Young people in society
Provided by the Professional Order of Social Workers of Québec (Ordre professionnel des travailleurs sociaux du Québec), these articles are intended to help you deal with everyday life. They could also give you resources to help a friend!
Come back to read it!
Family conflicts
Between 18 and 25 years of age, it's normal to have conflicts with your parents. Because you alternate between dependence and independence, your parents never know which way the wind is blowing.
Most of these conflicts happen when you're still living at home, but would prefer to be living with your sweetheart or friends. As for your parents, they would like you to help out more around the house and give you less money. They would like you to work, successfully complete your studies or get a promotion so you can have a decent salary.
You might be living in a family with complex dynamics: in-laws that can hardly stand you, or an over-protective father or mother which hinders your autonomy and sense of responsibility.
Sometimes you're apprehensive about adulthood and become anxious simply thinking about the challenges of higher education or the job market.
As a result, discussions escalate between you and your parents. "Why do you have to make so much noise when you came home at 2 a.m.?". "Why can't my girlfriend sleep over when my friends are allowed to have their girlfriends stay overnight?". "How come you can buy expensive clothes, a home entertainment system and DVDs but can't afford to pay for you share of the groceries?".
How can you resolve tensions and hope for a bright future?
As you become more autonomous and responsible according to your age, the less conflicting the situation will be; your parents will trust you more and show you just how proud they are of you. If you have problems succeeding, you can seek help from a CLSC or private practice social worker.
Your parents might also be experiencing personal, marital or professional problems and are taking out their frustrations on you when they see the brilliant future that lies ahead of you. Under such circumstances, don't hesitate to get some help. It could be beneficial for the entire family.
Sometimes, family therapy between young adults and their parents can help resolve lingering heavy conflicts, such as jealousy between siblings, tense mother-daughter or father-son relations. Working out problems before setting out in life encourages self-realization.
But even with professional help, introspection is necessary. How can I express my needs more tactfully? Do I wait to long before solving a problem? Should I be more steadfast or more tolerant? Am I comfortable enough to request a family meeting? If so, how should I go about it? Will everyone show respect and affection? What tone of voice will we use?
Every family has its share of conflicts. Families who remain functional are those who know which problems can or cannot be solved and act accordingly, which means family members will have to change their attitude. Families who become dysfunctional have failed to develop the means to work out their problems and end up fighting in desperation.
Nowadays, you can get the help you need and begin life by thinking things through and seeking assistance when faced with a serious and trying situation. However, nothing replaces your friends' support!
Claire Leduc
Social Worker and Marriage and Family Therapist
