Young people in society column

Provided by the Professional Order of Social Workers of Québec (Ordre professionnel des travailleurs sociaux du Québec), these articles are intended to help you deal with everyday life. They could also help you help a friend!

Great friendships

By Claire Leduc, Social Worker and Marriage and Family Therapist

Great friendships often form during the teen years. You and your best friend phone each other hourly or more. You share wardrobes and have sleepovers every week. You know you can count on each other when, for example, you argue with your parents, who don't always understand you as much as you'd like. And the night before an exam, you study together, which makes it easier.

Your best friend is often the one person who truly understands you because he's going through the same stages. Like you, his emotions are raw, and his joys and sorrows, just as intense as yours. On the other hand, your differences can help each of you develop your respective personalities. For example, if you have a hard time expressing your feelings, but are highly disciplined and organized and that your friend is extraverted but isn't very organized, perhaps you can help each other out. But above all, you have the same sense of humour and always laugh about nothing and everything.

Independence

Even if you have a good relationship with your parents, you're at a point in your life where you want to gain emotional autonomy and become more independent. Even though there are certain things you prefer to keep to yourself, your best friend always ends up finding out what they are. In addition to the changes taking place at an emotional level, there are also physical changes happening that can sometimes be confusing. You may not always feel at ease with these physical changes. Sometimes, comparing yourself with someone who's going through pretty much the same thing can be comforting because you know that this person can relate. And with you and your friend having a similar growth pattern, you can compare with one another regularly. There can even be a healthy competition between the two of you which, in addition to being normal and positive, can be very stimulating.

Intimacy and generosity

If your best friend goes through a rough patch, you make yourself available and rush to his side. You're ready to follow him anywhere, support him and even console him, if need be. And when a teacher or parent chews him out, you're on his side, just like he would be on yours if the roles were reversed.

Love

Even though this great friendship is symbiotic, there's always one of the two who finds love first. At the beginning of the love relationship, your best friend is a confidant, and the friendship is maintained. But soon, you find yourself spending more and more time with this person. Sometimes, your best friend can feel abandoned, put aside or even betrayed by this new reality. To see someone you were close to become less and less present can be difficult to accept! Don't worry, it's normal. It's all part of growing up. After a couple of weeks, the friendship is reestablished on new bases that could be even more solid than before.

In short, great friendships are precious and can sometimes last a lifetime. Do your parents or grandparents still have childhood friends?