Young people in society column

Provided by the Professional Order of Social Workers of Québec (Ordre professionnel des travailleurs sociaux du Québec), these articles are intended to help you deal with everyday life. They could also help you help a friend!

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Self-esteem and adolescence

It has been said that in order to love someone else, you need to love yourself first. And that's not all that self-esteem can do for you. Without self-esteem, the shooter would miss the goal, the actress would mix up her lines and the mechanic would be afraid to change any parts in the motor. Many of our actions, both minor and major, are influenced by self-esteem.

When people lack self-esteem, they often try to rely on the esteem of others. They work hard to please people to gain that esteem. Such hard work can make them into absolute slaves.

So what is self-esteem? Can you develop it? Is it possible to have too much?

The inner theatre

Starting at birth, we have been in contact with people who communicate how they see us. When we cried, our father (or guardian) looked at us in a worried or irritated way. Our mother (or guardian) smiled, or not, when we laughed. The reactions of those close to us gave us impressions of who we are and who they are. Based on these early impressions and all those that follow, we create our inner theatre, with little scenes playing in our heads.

When we have to speak in public, a confident self-image of ourselves comes on stage and conflicts with a less eloquent version, who gives us sweaty palms. Behind these images are people who seem to always have something to say about who we are, and who encourage, criticize or protect us, or encourage us to surpass ourselves. It's totally normal, even if we aren't always aware of it.

Become the director

Once we start recognizing what's going on in our inner theatre, we can change the script. That can do a lot to boost our self-esteem. Therefore, the answer is yes, it is possible to develop self-esteem.

You are about to read your public presentation and your head is still filled with the idea that people will laugh at you. Ask yourself seriously what would be so funny. If you come up with something, like your way of pronouncing certain words, remember that you do your best to make yourself understood and that what you have to say is important. Rewrite the script of the play in your head.

Is it possible to have too much self-esteem? When our self-esteem makes us deaf to constructive criticism or to other people's weaknesses, yes, it can be too much. It's better to stay realistic, open to criticism and sensitive to others.

If self-esteem is a major ongoing challenge for you and you are under the impression that you can't keep it at a comfortable level, it might be a good idea to consult a professional.

Jean-Pierre Plouffe
Social Worker
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